Self-Care and Burnout: Small Habits That Help

Self-care has become one of those words that gets used so often it starts to lose its meaning. Scroll for a minute and you will see it attached to bath products, vacations and expensive spa days. But when you are running on empty, caring for everyone around you and barely keeping up, the version of self-care that actually helps usually looks much smaller and much quieter than that.

In this article

What Research on Divorce Says About Self-Care
What Self-Care Actually Means (It Is Not Just Massages and Pedicures)
Why Small, Consistent Self-Care Works Better Than Big Breaks
How Self-Care Changes as Your Life Changes
Burnout in Helping Professions: Teachers, Nurses and Therapists
Signs of Burnout and Overwhelm to Watch For
How to Build a Self-Care Routine When You Are Overwhelmed
Therapy as Self-Care
Start Small This Week

What Research on Divorce Says About Self-Care

A study from the Journal of Health Care for Women International, “Women’s Reflections on Divorce: 10 Years Later” by Mary E. Duffy, RN, PhD, Carolyn Thomas, RN, MS, and Claudia Trayner, RN, MS from the University of Utah. This study looked at how 95 women’s lives were after 10 years of being divorced, they used both qualitative and quantitative data. 74% responded on a Likert Scale that their life was better than it was 10 years ago. The activities that contributed to the feelings of positivity included: more control over their lives, finding or maintaining a job, receiving support and self-care. It also noted that the improvement in their lives was with or without psychotherapy intervention.

I find this study hopeful for anyone in the middle of a separation or divorce right now. When you are in it, it can feel like life has been knocked permanently off course. These women were looking back from a decade later, and most of them described a life that had gotten better, not worse. Notice what helped them, too. It was not one dramatic turning point. It was a handful of steady, ordinary things: having more say over their own days, having work, having people in their corner and taking care of themselves.

That last finding matters. Self-care showed up right alongside the big, structural pieces of rebuilding a life. It was not an extra or a luxury. It was part of how they recovered. If you are in that season now, my separation and divorce recovery program walks through this rebuilding process step by step.

What Self-Care Actually Means (It Is Not Just Massages and Pedicures)

After reviewing this article, it made me think about how our self-care grows with us and does not always stay the same. To make it clear my definition of self-care is activities that nourish you mentally, physically or emotionally and that sustain you. I don’t mean massages, pedicures and girls’ trips. My definition of self-care activities four years ago was fully getting away from my house, it meant something big or something I did not normally do on a consistent basis. Now my idea of self-care is making a good meal including dessert on Fridays and spending time with my dogs and cats. It also means allowing myself to go in and out of rest or short napping on the weekend if time allows. It might mean watching a football game or doing a painting at home. Small and consistent self-care is going to go the furthest over grand occasional activities.

There is nothing wrong with a massage or a weekend away. The trouble is when those become the only things we count as taking care of ourselves. If self-care has to be big, expensive or planned weeks in advance, it ends up happening a few times a year. The rest of the time we are left white-knuckling it until the next escape.

A more useful question is: what refills me? Not what is supposed to refill me, or what refills a friend, but what actually leaves me feeling a little more like myself afterward. For some people that is cooking. For others it is a walk with no phone, an hour with a craft project, ten minutes in the car before going inside, or simply being allowed to rest without guilt.

Woman cooking a meal at home by candlelight as small, consistent self-care to prevent burnout

Why Small, Consistent Self-Care Works Better Than Big Breaks

Think of your energy like a bank account. A big vacation is a large deposit, but if you are making withdrawals all day, every day, a single deposit a few times a year will not keep the balance out of the red. Small deposits made often keep the account steady.

Consistent self-care also works because it builds trust with yourself. When you keep a small promise to yourself every week, like a real lunch break, a Friday dinner you look forward to or a regular bedtime, your nervous system starts to learn that rest is coming. That predictability is calming in its own right. It is much easier to get through a hard Tuesday when you know Friday night is yours.

Small self-care is also more realistic when life is full. Most people experiencing burnout do not have extra hours to give. They do have five minutes here and twenty minutes there. Using those small windows on purpose is often what turns a depleted week into a manageable one.

How Self-Care Changes as Your Life Changes

One of the most freeing ideas here is that self-care is allowed to change. What worked for you in your twenties, before kids, before a career change or before a divorce may not fit who you are now. That is not failure. It is growth.

A few signs it may be time to update your version of self-care:

The things you used to enjoy now feel like one more item on the to-do list.
You only feel rested when you are completely away from home or work.
You save all of your recovery for “someday” or for the next trip.
You feel guilty or restless when you try to slow down.

If any of these sound familiar, try asking what nourishes you in this season of life, not in a past one. Then start with one small thing.

It can also help to notice what has already shifted without you realizing it. Maybe you used to need a crowded night out and now you would rather have a quiet evening at home. Maybe you used to recharge alone and now you crave connection. Both are normal. Your needs are telling you something, and listening to them is a form of self-care too.

Burnout in Helping Professions: Teachers, Nurses and Therapists

Another study done in 2019 from the Journal of Interdisciplinary Research looked at self-care of women with dual role overload. The goal of this research was looking at women in the helping professions and the negative consequence of workload due to family overload. The study looked at burnout and perceived stress and family overload. It was found that there could be a strong link between self-care and feeling less dual role overload for women in the helping professions. Working with a lot of teachers, nurses and other therapists I notice this frequently with these clients that are in a helping profession. I consistently hear, “I feel like I am always taking care of everyone all the time.” For this study it makes me think about how I frame my self-care. I notice that I put my own biweekly therapy in the bucket of self-care. The more I spend that hour every other week, the more capacity I have for my family and for my clients.

Dual role overload describes something many people feel but may not have a name for. You spend your workday caring for students, patients or clients, then come home to a second shift of caring for kids, partners or aging parents. There is no point in the day where someone is caring for you. Over time that imbalance leads to exhaustion, irritability and a sense of going through the motions.

If you are caring for a loved one at home on top of your job, you may also recognize the signs of caregiver burnout, which deserves its own attention and support.

Signs of Burnout and Overwhelm to Watch For

Burnout tends to creep in slowly, which is why it is easy to miss until it is already heavy. Some common signs include:

Feeling tired even after rest, or waking up already dreading the day
Becoming short-tempered, numb or detached with people you care about
Losing a sense of meaning or accomplishment in work you used to value
Trouble concentrating, forgetting small things, or feeling foggy
Getting sick more often, or carrying tension in your body that does not let up
Pulling away from hobbies, friends or anything that is not strictly necessary

Overwhelm and anxiety often travel together with burnout. If your mind is racing, you feel constantly behind, or you cannot shut off at night, anxiety counseling can help you sort out what is happening and what to do about it.

Woman resting on the couch with her dog, a simple self-care habit for burnout and overwhelm

How to Build a Self-Care Routine When You Are Overwhelmed

When you are already stretched thin, a long list of self-care ideas can feel like more pressure. Instead, try starting here:

Pick one anchor. Choose one small, repeatable thing each week that is just for you. A Friday meal. A Sunday afternoon nap. A standing walk with a friend. Protect it the way you would protect an appointment with someone else.

Lower the bar. Self-care does not have to be productive or impressive. Watching a game, painting at the kitchen table or lying on the couch with your pets all count if they leave you feeling more like yourself.

Notice what drains you. Self-care is not only adding good things. It can also mean saying no to one extra commitment, leaving a task undone or asking for help with something you usually carry alone.

Rest without earning it. Many caregivers and helpers only let themselves rest once everything is done. Everything is never done. Rest can come first.

Check in monthly. Ask yourself whether your self-care still fits. If it has started to feel like a chore, it may be time to change it.

Therapy as Self-Care

Therapy is often thought of as something you do only when things fall apart. It can also be the regular maintenance that keeps you from reaching that point. An hour that belongs only to you, where you do not have to take care of anyone else, can create real room in the rest of your week.

For busy helping professionals and caregivers, scheduling is often the biggest obstacle. That is one reason I offer both in-person sessions in Arvada and Denver and telehealth counseling across Colorado, so therapy can fit into a full life instead of becoming one more thing to juggle.

Start Small This Week

You do not need a weekend away to begin taking better care of yourself. You need one small thing, done consistently, that tells you that you matter too. Choose it, protect it and let it change as you change.

If burnout, overwhelm or a major life change has left you running on empty, I would be glad to help. Reach out to schedule a free consultation and we can talk about what support could look like for you.

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